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- A woman does not have a man's habit to scratch her noggin when she thinks of an answer to a confusing question, for example - Woman do not like to show they are confused. They never want to ruin their hair with that gesture either. Justified!
- Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
- The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
- If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some thing twice. But if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
- Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes which are in the closet, you "just don't understand".
- Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling!
- Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
- Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
- Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soaps operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
- If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
- "I think my thinking thinks thoughts that thought they think they're thinking when I'm thinking. I thought i think my thoughts, but I thought wrong."
- Don't trust your heart because its not on the right side.
- Words of wisdom ~ No one is listening until you fart.
- They say that when you dream about somebody, they went to sleep thinking about you. Quick! everybody think about me and we will have a big party in my dreams!!
- Skinny people wear G-strings, does that mean fat people wear G-ropes!
- Quack! I'm a cow that was raised by squirrels.
- Have you ever realized that the calendar spells W T F after Monday and Tuesday
- Smile uncontrollably and the world smiles with you. Laugh uncontrollably and they'll think your on drugs.
- The secret to growing old is to keep breathing.
- Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. How weird is that?
- I wouldn't even fart in your mouth if you needed oxygen to stay alive.
