Random Funny Thoughts

• If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
• "I think my thinking thinks thoughts that thought they think they're thinking when I'm thinking. I thought i think my thoughts, but I thought wrong."
• Don't trust your heart because its not on the right side.
• Words of wisdom ~ No one is listening until you fart.
• They say that when you dream about somebody, they went to sleep thinking about you. Quick! everybody think about me and we will have a big party in my dreams!!
• Skinny people wear G-strings, does that mean fat people wear G-ropes!
• Quack! I'm a cow that was raised by squirrels.
• Have you ever realized that the calendar spells W T F after Monday and Tuesday 
• Smile uncontrollably and the world smiles with you. Laugh uncontrollably and they'll think your on drugs.
•  The secret to growing old is to keep breathing.
• Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. How weird is that?
• I wouldn't even fart in your mouth if you needed oxygen to stay alive.