Make LOL

Some Funny and Random Questions

If the #2 Pencil is so popular why is it still #2?
Ok, so what's the speed of dark?
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
Why do they sterlize the needles for lethal injections>
If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out of its nose?
The "Psychic Friends Network" went out of business.. didn't they see it coming?
Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And If so, how would wyou treat them?
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?
Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?
And if it is misspelled, how would we know?
Would a fly without wings be called walk?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered hostage situation?
Why are "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

For those who don't know who is "Rajnikaanth"

He never wet his bed as a child,
the bed wet itself in fear.

Once the facebook's founder was hospitalised,
Because he poked him.

Once he participated in a race,
he came 1st,
Einstein died after watching that,
because....
light came 2nd.

When he was in class 3,
teacher told him to write an essay on anything,
Today that essay is known as WIKIPEDIA.

He once wrote his biography,
Today that book in known as GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORD.

When he does push ups,
He is not lifting himself up,
He is pushing the earth down.

When he joined facebook,
the next second he got a notification,
that facebook wants to be his friend.

He once hit a six,
and that ball is today known as PLUTO.

Once he threw his ring in the air,
it went to a planet,
and that planet became SATURN.

Rajnikanth Theory Of Light:
Throw a beam of your torch light on a mirror with refractive index 100 at an angle of 17.63 degrees. The reflected beam hits the ceiling and then further hits the wall before striking the cigar. The reflected light, due to high air friction and friction at the wall gets converted into heat which in turn gets converted into fire in 0.001256 micro seconds. This lights the cigar and you can smoke with the light(delight).
Reference:
Rajnikanth's Theory of Physics - Vol III

Selling Organs

Can You See It?

Hillarious Double Meaning Jokes

He took me from a bar,
He took me in his car.
He took my top off.
He puts his lips on mine,
But don't worry, I'm a bottle of wine!
What's an average 6 inch long
inside a guy's pants and girls love to blow it up?

A: 1000 Rupees Note
Always think positive!
In which situation, Do men start sweating
in 10 mins and women want to go and on and on?

think..

think..

SHOPPING
God Bless Your Naughty Mind!
Smile is the 2nd best thing you do with your lips.
Of course you know the first one...

It's keeping your mouth shut.

But I like the way you think!
What are three problems about being an egg?
»You only get laid once,
»The only woman to sit on your face is your mother,
»And it takes four minutes to get hard.
I love the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh
creating creamy fomy liquid, as it goes in and out
up and down, can't wait till next time
My toothbrush
Feeling bored?
Open the zip!
Put your hands in between your zip..
and take out your..
books from your bad and start studying.

Gandalf or Dumbledore

Funny and Insane Facebook Status

A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistible to all women. She turned him into a credit card.
Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I win!
Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
Dear Warner Bros: Now that I'm an adult, I feel I'm am old enough to hear what the "Beep Beep" is hiding when Road Runner talks to Wile E. Coyote.
Congratulations!! You are the 100th person to view my status. To see your prize please click Control + W.
Blonde and Brunette r walking on the road.brunette says “Look, a dead bird.” Blonde looks up in the sky, “WHERE, WHERE?”
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Scratch here - ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦ to reveal today’s status?
Would like to congratulate their parents on having such an awesome daughter-well done!
When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either the car is new or the wife is.
Statistics say that 1 in 4 people are insane, so take a look at your 3 best friends and if they are all OK, its you!
Welcome to the real Internet, where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI.
I hate weddings. old people would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals and poking them, saying, "You're next".
A murderer was sitting on the electric chair. "Do u have any last requests?" "Yes, will u hold my hand?" XD
Boy: hey dad I got a girlfriend Dad: Good job son! Girl: Hey daddy I got a boyfriend Dad: *loads shotgun*
Cops came around to my house today, told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike, i told them to bugger off, my dog does not own a bike!
I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate.
Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls just make you FEEL like you're in Heaven!
Insert coin to view status message?
When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half!
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "in jesus name amen".
Ques: Why do Girls live Longer Than Boys? Ans: Shopping never Causes Heart Attacks, .. But Paying the Bill does.
Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, You write on walls and you get poked by people you dont know
Dear God, please give us back Michael Jackson and in exchange we'll give you Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Bros. Sincerely, Me
”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.”

Funny Quotes On Students

I have never let schooling interfere with my education.
College is a refuge from hasty judgement
The freshmen bring a little knowledge in and the seniors take none out, so it accumulates through the years.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
If all the students who slept through lectures were laid end to end, they would all be a lot more comfortable.
Education is what remains when one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Definition of a College Professor : Someone who talks in other people's sleep.
An encyclopedia is a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order.
Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland : Rich and Thick.
College athletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil.
He who can do - he, who cannot, teaches.
Without education we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously.

Pay Attention

Best Poem Ever

Epic Way To Fall Asleep

Some Funny Facts about Woman

A woman does not have a man's habit to scratch her noggin when she thinks of an answer to a confusing question, for example - Woman do not like to show they are confused. They never want to ruin their hair with that gesture either. Justified!
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some thing twice. But if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes which are in the closet, you "just don't understand".
Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling!
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soaps operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

Bring that New...

5 Deadly words used by Women

1. FINE - this is the word women use to end an argument when she knows she is RIGHT & YOU need to SHUT UP.

2. NOTHING - means SOMETHING & you need to be WORRIED.

3. GO AHEAD - this is a dare, not permission, do NOT do it.

4. WHATEVER - is a woman's way of saying SCREW YOU

5. THAT'S OK - she is thinking long & hard on HOW & WHEN you will pay for your mistake.

Funny Discoveries by Man and Woman

Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT
Woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP

Man discovered WORD and invented CONVERSATION
Woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD
Woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE
Woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
Woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING

That's it!

Thereafter, man has discovered and invented a lot of things..

WHILE WOMEN ARE STILL STUCK WITH SHOPPING !!

Secret Ingredient

Girls Psychology

***Fraud with Innocent Boys ***

***Fun with Handsome Boys***

*** Friendship with Charming Boys ***

*** Contact with Intelligent Boys ***

*** Flirt with Freaky Boys ***

*** Love with Faithful Boys ***

&

at the end

*** Marriage with the Rich Boy***

Mind Test

Yes! These are Just EGGS!
What were you thinking?

Why Beers are better than Girls

Beer is always wet.
Frigid beer is good beer.
Beer always goes down easily.
Beer never gets a headache.
You can share a beer with your friends.
You don't have to wine and dine beer.
You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
You always know you are the first one to pop a beer.
You can enjoy beer every day of the month.
You can have more than one beer and not feel guilty.
If you pour a beer right you'll always get a good head.
Beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

Your Dad Needs To Sort Out His Priorities

Random Funny Thoughts

If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
"I think my thinking thinks thoughts that thought they think they're thinking when I'm thinking. I thought i think my thoughts, but I thought wrong."
Don't trust your heart because its not on the right side.
Words of wisdom ~ No one is listening until you fart.
They say that when you dream about somebody, they went to sleep thinking about you. Quick! everybody think about me and we will have a big party in my dreams!!
Skinny people wear G-strings, does that mean fat people wear G-ropes!
Quack! I'm a cow that was raised by squirrels.
Have you ever realized that the calendar spells W T F after Monday and Tuesday
Smile uncontrollably and the world smiles with you. Laugh uncontrollably and they'll think your on drugs.
The secret to growing old is to keep breathing.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. How weird is that?
I wouldn't even fart in your mouth if you needed oxygen to stay alive.

This Guy Should Get An Award

Difference Between Prison And Work

I'm pretty sure that after reading this, you would surely like to be in Prison> and not Work

In Prison: You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
At Work: You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cube.

In Prison: You get three meals a day.
At Work: You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

In Prison: You get time off for good behavior.
At Work: You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In Prison: A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At Work: You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

In Prison: You can watch TV and play games.
At Work: You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In Prison: You get your own toilet.
At Work: You have to share.

In PrisonThey allow your family and friends to visit.
At Work: You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

In Prison: All expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work requires by you.
At Work: You get to pay all the expenses to go to work, and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

In Prison: You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
At Work: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

In Prison: There are wardens who are often sadistic.
At Work: They are called supervisors.

In Prison: You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
At Work: You get fired if you get caught.

Ahem ahem,I hope that changed your mind about being a prisoner and a worker. NOW GET BACK TO WORK.

The Five Toughest Questions That Women Ask Men And The Answers You Need.

The questions are:

1. What would you do if I died?
2. Do I look fat?
3. What are you thinking about?
4. Do you love me?
5. Do you think she is prettier than me?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrect (I mean tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

1. What would you do if I died?
A definite no win question here. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a new Porsche." or maybe "Party all night.")

2. Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic "Of course not!".

Inappropriate answers:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but your thighs sure do make a lot of noise.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

3. What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent, woman you are and how lucky I am to have met you."

Inappropriate answers:
a. Baseball
b. Football
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

4. Do you love me?
The proper response is "YES!", or if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear".

Inappropriate answers:
a. I suppose so.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

5. Do you think she is prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic "Of course not!"

Inappropriate answers:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were here age.
d. Define pretty.
e. Could you repeat the question, I was thinking of the insurance money again.

So just remember these answers or else you know what will happen.